Family

"You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them."  ~Desmond Tutu

Family is the root of who you are. When you're born, they shape you as a person. No matter how much you try to fight it, you are more like them then you think. You have mannerisms and even expressions that can help outside people realize that you are most likely related. You can't help where you came from, you also can't help how they are. You can just learn to accept them for who they are, and learn to enjoy the little quirks. I've struggled with this for some time, and I still do. It all comes down to this: these people will always be in your life, and have been since day one. These people really made you how you are today. Spending time with family that I never saw growing up, for whatever reasons, has made me realize that even though they weren't around a lot, we are so much alike. It's pretty awesome!

I also can't help the things that happen. As long as it doesn't effect my life, or endanger me, it doesn't really matter. I can't fight everyone's battles for them. What can I do?

I can pray. I can pray that everyone is ok. I can ask God every day, that he guides them on a path that will help them.

My heart aches every single day for certain people in my life. I hope that whatever personal demons they have will escape them, and they will find the peace that they need. 

I am not perfect by any means, of course. I just work hard every day to be a better person, and accepting the things that I can't change with others. 

Regardless of how crazy things can get, I still and always will love the family that was given to me.

Goodness

Let me preface this by saying: this isn't about anyone in particular.

I have always been pretty prideful of the fact that I am very easygoing, and I tend to seem like not much bothers me. Which, in a way, it is true. I am always in a go with the flow kind of person. I am pretty patient when it comes to most things. I have to be, my job requires a great deal of patience.

I have also been the type of person that I will go to the ends of the Earth for the people I care about. Sure, I have no children. Sure, I am not extremely close with my family. This isn't by choice. But, if they needed me, and I had the means to help, I would always extend my hand for them. The same goes for my friends. I know I may not seem very personable at times, or seem like I don't like certain people. I cannot stress this enough,

 If I am around you, talking to you and spending time with you, I like you. I don't hate anyone. I have been dealt a hard deck at some points in my life, but I don't let those things stop me. I am so grateful to the awesome people I have in my life, and I thank God every single day.

This brings me to a point. Sure, I act as if it doesn't bother me when people seem as if they don't care for me. I do really. It's not that I crave attention, or want everyone in this world to like me. I do know that is not possible. What does bother me is that when someone is brought into your life, unannounced, and you seem like you have a good friend on your side, and suddenly, you aren't anything to them anymore. I'm not saying this about any specific people, I am just saying in general.

And that is when I believe that MYSELF is to blame. I must have done something wrong. This has been festering in my head for the last couple days.

I was talking to a good friend about this today, and he said, "Sam, you're like number 134 on my list of coolest chicks I know, ever."

That is when I realized, nope. It isn't me. I have a great network of friends, I have a few people I have reconnected with, when I realized I was the stupid one. Some people are just completely unaware of the goodness they have, and the goodness that they can build on. This makes me sad.