Selfish?

I'm feeling rather selfish right now. I would feel very content in my life if I never spoke or saw you again. This breaks my heart.

Lost time is never found again.

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever.

Peace

On December 24th 2009, my grandmother passed away. It was inevitable. She was suffering from ALS, (more info) it was inevitable. Upon her passing, and one of my aunts passing the VERY next day in the same house. I was lost. I was troubled. I coped in various ways, that were stupid. I became pretty good friends with the bottle. Did some really dumbass shit.. Not only was I coping for loosing two loved-ones, my mother moved away. All throughout my life, my grandmother was down the street, and my mom at my side. My mom moved to Pittsburgh, and didn't even stay for my grandmother's funeral. I was mad of course. Luckily, I had a very good friend occompany me to the viewing, and my boyfriend's mom for the service. I am thankful for their support. But I was still angry and lost. I literally have NO ONE here. Family-wise. Now I think about it, I DO have family. My friends are my family. I AM forever grateful to everyone in my life. I am FINALLY at peace with that fact. I'm not alone. Not for a second.

In March I went and got a tattoo. For a while, I was scared I may forget my grandmother. I got this to commemorate her, so I KNOW I will never forget her. The latin translation is a little off, but whatever. LOL

But I am very glad to say, I am at peace with my surroundings. I know I'll be ok.


When we are present in each moment, the past gently rolls up
behind us and the future slowly unravels before us.
- Rev Richard Levy